God and me.

From thirteen to seventeen I went to a boarding school for boys set in a thousand private acres of beautiful Sussex countryside. That it was an all boys boarding school and I was there pre, during, and post puberty is for another blog; this is about my relationship with God. Or god, if you will: the choice of ‘g’ is actually quite important.

My dictionary (www.wordweb.info) says:
God (with a capital G) is: The supernatural being conceived as the perfect and omnipotent and omniscient originator and ruler of the universe; the object of worship in monotheistic religions.
whereas
god (lowercase g) is: Any supernatural being worshipped as controlling some part of the world or some aspect of life or who is the personification of a force.

Anyway, I get sent to this wonderful boarding school whose headmaster, “a splendid chap,” my father said, beaming, was a dog collared Reverend. I suppose I should be thankful he was a Church of England Vicar and not a Roman Catholic Monk, but that didn’t stop me finding out he could cane with the best of them.
“This is going to hurt me as much as it will hurt you,” is, frankly, bollocks. It was no wonder he was good at getting sixes when he played cricket.

Every Sunday, for nearly five years, I got dressed up in suit and tie and went to church where I sang and prayed to the glory of God. And, once a year, at Christmas, there would be an end of term carol service at the local Cathederal to which my parents, dressed up to the nines, would take me. Lovely! Once, it might even have snowed–like a sepia tinted scene from a Victorian Christmas card. I forget.

The real question is: do I believe in God (or god)? Honestly, I’d been searching for the answer, on and off, for years. Then, a few days ago, like a bolt from the blue, the answer arrived. And here, contained within George Carlin’s damnably funny and brilliant performance, it is.


R.I.P George Carlin May 12 1937 – June 22 2008.

I’d like to add that I’m still very much open minded and hopeful of proof, either way. According to my dictionary (again) I guess you’d call me an Agnostic Atheist.

Atheist: Someone who does not believe in god; someone who believes that no deities exist
Agnostic: A person who claims that they cannot have true knowledge about the existence of God (but does not deny that God might exist).
or
Someone who is doubtful or noncommittal about something.

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2 comments on “God and me.

  1. Bruin Fisher says:

    Wearing my pedant badge with pride, I am happy to cheer your correct definition of ‘agnostic’ – so often used to mean someone with an open mind, someone undecided about whether there is or is not a god. However as you so rightly point out, the correct definition is ‘someone who believes it is not possible to have knowledge of whether or not god exists’ – in other words someone who HAS made up their mind, rather than someone who has yet to decide. It’s just that they’ve decided they don’t know and never will – and neither will anyone else. Which leaves a gap in the market – we don’t, it seems, have a word for someone undecided! A waverer? A fence-sitter? An intellectual? A man-with-a-life-and-no-time-to-ponder-imponderables?

  2. iamsofree says:

    mind blowing, ..

    keep in mind that your sources are from a dictionary written by a man basing on his own personal understanding to what he thinks defines GOD.

    , the questions of whether god exist or doesn’t exist can only be answered by a heart and mental presence that has chosen to fully participate in or out without any solid circumstance and proof .

    find your own path, basing on what you see, might see and believe to be true.

    its a personal choice. .

    good luck…

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